(IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?)
It’s 9:14am on a Saturday and I’m currently sitting in a café in West End waiting for Neill, my website creator and photographer to arrive. This will be my 3rd meeting with him in total - that is, in a professional capacity. And every time I do something like this, this gets a bit more real. A touch more daunting. A little more courage is forced to pump through my veins. And I feel a little more alive.
So much of life tries to keep you numb: whether it’s hustle and bustle of a life daily lived, the voices of insecurity, fear and/or doubt in your head or perhaps its you attempting to stifle the emotions - the actual possibility of letting yourself feel in case you face rejection and pain again (I believe they call this numbness “the comfort zone”).
For years I’ve dreamed and believed that I was meant to write songs and lead worship. For years I’ve pushed myself down this road with this deep burning in my soul driving me; a belief that this is part of the reason I was placed on this Earth. It hasn’t all been a diet inspirational quotes and “you can do it” for me though – I’ve had to push through personal pain, doubt and a chorus of
“are you sure?”
“what if this doesn’t work out?”
“are you talented enough to do this?”
from imagined and real voices in my world. These questions aren’t stupid mind you: some of these voices are wise, and perhaps if I wasn’t able to answer these questions within myself and let my craft and character be cultivated (character being the hardest one), I wouldn’t be here writing this blog.
It hasn’t all been the “underdog story” for me though – otherwise I would be neglecting the encouragement that mentors, friends and pastors have given me when I’ve been on the verge of placing my gifts on the backburner. Because this is definitely not something I’d want to do alone. And I’d also be neglecting the biggest factor of all: the grace of God. The more I encounter growth in my craft and myself, the more I realise this journey I walk and the one I seek is only possible through the enablement of his grace (or “the pull” as Steven Furtick puts it). For every step I’ve taken, even if it seemed insignificant or invisible, it was God who opened the doors, cleared the way, cleaned my wounds and propelled me forward.
Which brings me to now. It’s now 9:30am and my friend Harrison is sitting next to me (he’s a good friend, he’s waiting for me to stop typing). And after this journey, it’s a nervous anticipation mixed with excitement that I feel this sense of calling and purpose now being put into plan.
For years I’ve been working on songs that soon will be put out into the open, ready to breathe life on their own. Each session I sit with my producers, each time I sit opening Logic,
it gets a little more real.
Sometimes it feels like a wasted exercise – there’s plenty of budding artists out there just like me, wanting to do the very same thing, to mark their place in the already-saturated airwaves of the music world. Yet I can’t help but feel that this is what I’m meant to do.
How many people will like my work?
Will the public reject my work?
Listen to it even?
Why should I try when there are already many great worship artists out there?
Will my effort even make a difference?
Is this all even worth it?
Is there anybody out there?
All I can say is YES. I choose to believe: YES.
I can either rise up to the plate or choose to slink away into the sidelines. And I choose to believe that when God says “come”, that the world won’t fall away beneath me when I step towards Him. I can only attempt to use what God has placed in my hand – and just like the boy with 5 loaves and 2 fish who handed all little he had to Christ, I can believe that with my smallness, weakness, inexperience as well as my gifts in his hands, He can take what little I can offer and somehow bring glory to Himself as well as impact humanity in the process. “Do the things that scare you” is a common adage: perhaps stepping out into the unknown is where faith truly begins.